Miserable at Best
by LoveDrunk22
Summary: "I can live without you but, without you I'll be miserable at best." Jake writes a letter to Marley after he let her go. This is that letter.


Dear Marley,

_Katie, don't cry, I know  
__You're trying your hardest  
__And the hardest part is letting go  
__Of the nights we shared  
__Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting  
__But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright  
__And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want it so_

Marley. What have I done? I've made you cry, I imagine, many times before. You were finally mine. I know that letting go is hard, I'm trying to let go too, I can't believe I ended it. But things were always hard between us weren't they? But I was willing to do it if you were, I can't believe I let you go. Your eyes, I still remember how brightly they shown that one night. The night we looked up into the sky and just wanted to run away from everything. Now I'm not the one you look up into the sky with anymore.

_Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight  
__(I know he's there and)  
__You're probably hanging out and making eyes  
__(While across the room he stares)  
__I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor  
__And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes_

Ryder. He came into your life. But he's the kind of guy that every mother wants for her daughter, not some guy that's been making her cry since nearly day one. Please, don't pretend like he's not there, I know the truth. He's making you fell loved again, I know that. I'll bet you two just sit around sometimes and he jumps up and asks you to dance, and you'll say yes. I know you will, because he's a nice guy, and he can make you happy.

_Because these words were never easier for me to say  
__Or her to second guess  
__But I guess  
__That I can live without you but,  
__Without you I'll be miserable at best_

I can't believe I never told you how I felt, you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I guess I never gave you a reason to know how I felt about you, I was too much like my dad. I can live without you Marley, but I won't be happy about it. I know I'm selfish for saying that, because I let you go, but it's the truth.

_You're all that I hoped I'd find  
__In every single way  
__And everything I could give  
__Is everything you couldn't take  
__'Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away  
__And the hardest part of living  
__Is just taking breathes to stay_

You were all I've ever wanted. You really were. Everything you did was just, amazing and I couldn't get enough. Everything I wanted to give you, was everything neither of us could have in the first place. I know I told you that I would move on before you did, but I never expected for Ryder to come along. He was a shoulder to cry on wasn't he? And now when I see you two together, it kills me. Every time I see you two, it gets harder to breath, and I know why, because that should be me.

_Because I know I'm good for something  
__I just haven't found it yet  
__But I need it_

I feel like a deadbeat. I just walked away when I saw you crying, I thought that by now I would be an expert on just moving on to the next girl, but with you it was different. I felt like you were the one. I still feel that way, but what can be done? You're with him now. He makes you happy. You don't have to worry about him changing his ways, because he was always a better man than I was. But I do need you, Marley. You make me whole, complete. When I'm with you, I feel the closest to a man than I've ever been.

_So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight  
__(I know he's there and)  
__You're probably hanging out and making eyes  
__(While across the room he stares)  
__I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor  
__And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes_

But I know that he can give you so much more than I can or ever could. I know that he's probably there reading this with you when you get it. He's a good guy, but I love you more, Marley, I really do. I don't know how you can't see that. Maybe because I haven't given you enough proof, but I really do love you more than he ever could, trust me.

_Because these words were never easier for me to say  
__Or her to second guess  
__But I guess  
__That I can live without you but,  
__Without you I'll be miserable at best_

_Ladada, ladada, ladada oh, oh_

I should have told you, I should have I don't know why I didn't. You were the best thing that has ever been mine and I just let you go like nothing. I know that I can live without you, but it's really hard for me, I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I was just scared, I didn't know what would happen or if I could handle it, so I ran and I broke your heart, and I'm so sorry. Please believe me.

_And this will be the first time in a week  
__That I talk to you  
__And I can't speak  
__It's been three whole days since I've had sleep  
__Because I dream of his lips on your cheek  
__And I got the point that I should leave you alone  
__But we both know I'm not that strong  
__And I miss the lips that made me fly_

When I hand you this letter, it'll be the first time that I see you in a while. I don't know if I'll be able to talk to you, but this is why I'm writing this letter, in case I can't speak in front of you anymore. Do you know how long I've gone without sleep? It's been a long time. I just keeping seeing you and Ryder and I can't handle it. I see the way you looked in his arms as you two danced and the way you smiled, and it hurt. We both thought I was stronger than this, but I guess we wrong. I miss you Marley, I miss the way you make me feel. I miss you.

_Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight  
__(I know he's there and)  
__You're probably hanging out and making eyes  
__(While across the room he stares)  
__I'll bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor  
__And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes  
_

_Because these words were never easier for me to say  
__Or her to second guess  
__But I guess  
__That I can live without you but,  
__Without you I'll be miserable at best  
__And I can live without you but,  
__Without you, I'll be miserable at best  
__And I can live without you but,  
__Oh, without you, I'll be miserable at best_

I know this is just pathetic, but Marley, it's how I feel. I don't think I'll ever feel this way again, and I'll probably go back to doing what I do best, being a player. I just want you to know that for that time that we were together, you changed me. You made me a better person. I can live without you, but without I'll be miserable at best.

From, Jake

* * *

**Song: "Miserable at Best" by Mayday Parade**


End file.
